By definition, marriage is a legally and socially sanctioned union between two people that is regulated by laws, rules, customs, beliefs, and attitudes that prescribe the rights and duties of the partners and accords status to their offspring (if any). It is a mutual agreement between two people to enter a life-long journey together. Aside from these definitions, what is the true meaning of marriage?
For Michael Canzian, marriage is deciding to take every risk for love, making the relationship stronger each and every day, even when times are difficult. Of course, a partnership with someone out of love sounds like something easy to do; but the reality is, it is difficult to keep a marriage that continues to thrive in love and happiness. If everyone had the key to a long-lasting marriage, then the world would be a simpler place for some as the need for laws associated with annulment or divorce wouldn’t be necessary. While it is true that love makes the world go round, it is also true that in order to keep that going, it requires a lot of work.
Michael Canzian has been married to his wife, Bea, for 24 years. He highlights that she is his best friend and love of his life. He imparts effective ways on how they sustained love in their marriage for years on end.
Appreciation should be shown
Appreciation and respect for one another is essential to a long-lasting marriage. This means seeing and appreciating the value the other person brings to the marriage. This also means accepting the other person despite their flaws and differences and committing to making a marriage last. In a marriage, having that appreciation for each other is critical—the moment it becomes forgotten, problems will inevitably start to arise.
Because familiarity is already there, it is easy to lose sight of this in a marriage. There will certainly be times wherein the quality time for each other won’t be there. Work tasks and life’s routines can occupy most of the days and/or impinge on one’s personal time. Some days may feel monotonous or dull because there is nothing seemingly new to look forward to. All of these are natural experiences and emotions in a marriage, however, breaking that chain is essential to keeping things fresh and vibrant.
Appreciation may be shown through small gestures such as greeting each other hello and goodbye, sharing a passionate kiss, getting one’s coffee in the morning, leaving a sweet note before leaving for work, cooking for each other, and asking how each other’s day went. These small gestures are appreciated the most and are usually forgotten acts in the busy lives we lead.
Gratitude should be expressed
Expressing gratitude is similar to showing appreciation. In context, gratitude is “the appreciation of what is valuable and meaningful to oneself and represents a general state of thankfulness and/or appreciation.” It is having that sense of recognition for a person or thing that adds value to life. Another definition of gratitude is “an emotion that is typically evoked when one receives costly, unexpected, and intentionally rendered benefits, and is thought to play a key role in regulating the initiation and maintenance of social relationships.” In other words, gratitude plays a key function in any form of relationship. It is generally done to demonstrate that a person’s presence or action is not only noticed, but also treasured.
In a marriage, gratitude may not be expressed as often as it should because both people believe that they are simply doing the duty for their partner. They are doing what is expected of them, hence, there is no need to put it into words. However, saying “thank you” for the small things is still highly important. When it’s a practice that one spouse makes breakfast and one always does the driving, both should still find time to express gratitude for what they do for each other each and every day. The roles and responsibilities in a marriage should not separate a couple from naturally showing up for each other and always being best friends.
Honesty should be automatic
When a mistake or shortcoming has been made, the tendency is to feel shame or guilt causing some to lie about the situation. This is the common road taken as it is the easiest way out of a problem. Most of the time, people lie because they do not want to cause any trouble or simply continue doing what they are not supposed to be doing. In a relationship, the lack of honesty leads to a lack of trust. This produces a rocky relationship that takes a long time to repair or may never be repaired at all.
But what if honesty was automatically given? If the reaction is to willingly come out with the truth given that the guilty person recognizes his or her mistake, then the chances for mending the relationship will be greater. Marriage is faced by a number of temptations, but it takes courage to continually do the right thing. Marriage also reminds people that they owe their partner honesty because that union was set as a promise of love and respect to each other.
Individuality should be maintained
While marriage becomes the primary relationship, it should not keep each other from owning their individuality. Being their own person is important because that is how they will establish a healthy relationship that allows each person to grow and develop personally. Marriage should not mean losing individual rights. Marriage should actually foster this in a way that works for the couple—as long as it is not harming the relationship, listening to and supporting each other is the best way to approach this.
Maintaining individuality in a marriage may be achieved by keeping the friendship that they have, continuing to do the hobbies that they love, and developing the skills that they see potential in. While some forms of individuality may cause problems in the relationship such as choosing a career that requires relocation or having core values that are non-negotiable, a couple may be over to overcome these obstacles through transparency and open communication.
Intimacy and passion should be present
Sex should not be the only form of intimacy and passion. It should be translated emotionally and physically outside of the bedroom. As couples age, they will naturally lose their sex drive, long passionate kisses may get lesser and lesser, and a greater display of passion may only come once in a while. However, know that this is normal given that both couples are reaching maturity. With that, it is essential to develop practices that define what love is for the couple. Both individuals should be well-aware of how they communicate their love.
Intimacy and passion may be done by having meaningful conversations, cuddling, going out for a walk, eating at their favorite restaurant, and bringing home a little something for each other. The small things in life and the actions taken each day toward each other are appreciated the most, and can sustain marriages as couples age.